not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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