Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
