i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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