it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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