that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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