I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
