is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
operation have a gay friend backfired
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
