Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
