If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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