You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Randomize
