You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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