What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
