if you like me you must not know who I am
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
