Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
