I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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