i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
