i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It's never too late to be topless.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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