I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
