This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
