His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
