that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i now understand why vodka
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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