mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
