chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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