I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
