My first STD was from a foam party
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
