I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
