Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
