I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Houston, we have a squirter
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
