Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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