So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
