is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
