Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
