Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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