If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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