I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
