life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
