before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
