My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
