did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
