Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
