I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
