Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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