Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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