it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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