There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
