Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
