No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
