headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's rum buckets o'clock
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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