Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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