Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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