she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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