My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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