I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She needs sedatives and a leash
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
