girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
